We waited until our marriage to have sex.
Who loves the show The Office. It’s our third time watching the show in our marriage (and I’ve watched it before). It’s hilarious, we love it. Something that Michael said yesterday in the show got me thinking. He was about to go on his third date with Holly, and always thought of the third date as the one to have sex.
Many shows we watch are the same way. Sex seems to be expected after the first couple dates. Well Caleb and I waited about 365 dates,
We waited until marriage to have sex.
Umm. Yep. And I'm talking about that today below this pic.
I've been hesitant to talk about this topic out of fear of not saying something right and being misunderstood. Fear of coming off judgmental, fear of judgement from others. But I'm getting over that fear today and sharing, not because of anything we did that was so great, but to be real with our story, in the hopes of bringing love and encouragement to others.
Please know, if you read this, I'm not judging you. Each of our stories look different. I'm the last person who should be judging if you know my story. For real.
This story for me is way more than just waiting until marriage. It's about a journey to live life to the full. One that leads to shame undone and chains being unshackled and turned to freedom.
No matter who you are and what you've done in your life. You're so super loved. Your path might be different than ours and we think you're awesome.
Let us know if you read, and love hearing from you!
📷: Summer Nicole Photography instagram: its_summernicole
Caleb and I waited until we were married to have sex, and here's why.
The Bible says to, and we love God's word. His way is always best, but usually the most difficult.
Caleb was a virgin, I was a born-again virgin (I'll go more into what I mean by that later), that doesn't mean we were perfect by any means. But what we both were very clear with our boundaries from the beginning of our dating relationship, and both vowed before each other and God to honor God and each other in this way.
Those were the main reasons. Honoring God, honoring one another, loving others and wanting to live above reproach.
Caleb grew up with Christian parents and he had a strong love for Jesus from an early age, that doesn't mean He always stayed perfectly on that path, when I first met him he had just recently started really going after God again, but throughout stumbles he remained a virgin.
Born-Again Virgin. I know this term sounds so weird, but think it's appropriate for my story. I'll share a little about it here, you can ask more later if interested.
So we waited. For Caleb it was for 27 years of his life. For me 6 years. And it was well worth the wait to say the least.
Here is more to the back story...
My understanding in the past is that someone should be in a committed long term relationship and be in love to have sex. I was in a serious relationship part of high school and part of college. After my sophomore year of college everything changed for me. I was severally depressed and suicidal. I was dealing with a lot of hurt and pain from my life. I hadn't dealt with painfully childhood memories of physical/emotional abuse & alcohol abusing family member, sexual abuse(not from anyone in my family) and other unresolved very painful issues for me.
It was over 10 years ago now (that summer after my sophomore year of college), and I was radically changed by the love of God. I realized everything in my life would have to change if I was to accept this invitation to make Jesus the Lord of my life. When I started studying the Bible, going to church, Bible studies, and leading high school students I didn't want go at it half way. I read in God's Word that sex should be between a man and his wife. And so I decided 10 years ago to repent to God for what I had done in the past and vowed to Him and asked for His help to wait until marriage then. I felt born again for all the things of my past “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
2 Corinthians 5:17
That doesn't mean my past doesn't come back to haunt me at times, because it does and it has, but I'm leaning onto a new reality now.
Were/are Caleb and I pure in every way? Not even close. Matthew 5:27-““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Umm... that is a tough one there. It shows that even without a physical act we are just as guilty and in need of God's fresh grace every second of our lives.
I remember the first time walking into the church In State College, Pennsylvania called Calvary Baptist. I had never been to a church like that before (I grew up Roman Catholic, only going to Catholic services).
I had never felt dirtier in my life (people were kind, and didn't seem judgmental but it was what was going on with my heart and conscience). I looked around the room and saw girls that looked so pure and good and heard what the pastor was saying and knew I wasn't living that way at all. I was drinking and partying every night and going out with a jerk frat boy at that time. I was around a bunch of drugs the night before (never have done a drug but around them a lot from friends using/dealing). I think I was pretty hungover at that church service.
I wanted to feel pure. But thought all hope was lost for me. I wanted this intense shame that was suffocating me to go away more than I wanted anything else. And it has. Lots of Christian counseling, lots of inner-healing prayer, lots of Bible studies. Lots of learning to hear God's voice and not those evil lies that would play over and over again in my head.
Some days I still feel shame from my past. I was sexually abused for a number of years and the shame on me from the awful things done and that I did still want to envelop me at times. I had developed an attitude towards men that I should use them for attention and what I could get out of them without any care for their emotions. I learned that men have real emotions and are humans just like me. Created in God's image and I should treat them with honor and respect. That meant changing a lot of things.
Those feeling of not being good enough, worthless, unlovable still come up more than I'd like to admit. But there's been growth, and looking back I'm in a way more beautiful place than where I left and I'm so thankful for that.