Happy #internationalwomensday to all you strong, brave, beautiful women who inspire me everyday.
You guys, I’ve been freaking out recently about a big birthday I have coming up in a couple days. I’m usually super excited about my birthday, but this one for some reason I was dreading. I’ve been trying to process why it’s been difficult for me. 30 always seemed so old as a kid, but I’m thinking now that old is just a state of mind. I feel like a kid at heart, full of wonder, dreams and adventure. I feel even younger in my state of mind than I have in the past. I haven’t accomplished all that I thought I might at 30, (I thought maybe I would have already been to Europe, own a house, have a kid) but in many ways I’m proud of who I actually am. I hope and pray to continue to love God whole heartedly, love my husband more, my family and others more. To continue thinking and speaking love over people. To judge less and forgive more.
10 years ago I remember sitting on a beautiful beach with some friends. It was an amazing adventure but all I felt was anxiety and discontent. I realized that it didn’t matter how far I traveled or how much I accomplished, I still had to live with myself. And I didn’t like the person I was living with. I was so selfish. I had done a lot of things I wasn’t proud of. I hurt people, I didn’t see men as valuable for the ways they hurt me in the past.
Now, after a lot of transformation I have more content and peace when seeing new beautiful places. I value men and women and see each as the apple of God’s eye. I know now that I’ve been forgiven and continue to get forgiveness for my selfishness and shortcomings. I have peace, forgiveness and love for those who have hurt me.
I haven’t been to Europe yet, but if I ever get the chance to go, I hope to like the person I am more than if I would have gone at another time of my life. I know my shame is washed away and I’m loved beyond measure for just being. I don’t own a home yet, but I am sure grateful for the lovely place we live and am super content with all I have. Caleb and I don’t have a child, but I know we’ve impacted the lives of a lot of kids out there.
What do you think? 💕